Padres vs Giants, let’s fucking go!

San Diego and San Francisco enter Friday’s action tied at the bottom of the NL West, both with 1-3 records respectively. Luis Perdomo vs Matt Cain, both in their first starts. Let’s get this shit started!

1st Inning

Leadoff double for Joe Panik. Fuck.

Holy shit. Perdomo gives up a run on a balk. Are you shitting me? Bullshit call, and Perdomo strikes out Belt on the next pitch. Ball don’t lie.

Giants up 1-0 heading into the bottom of the first, all on a terrible call. Life of a Pads fan.

Knew that was out as soon as he made contact. 1-1.

Next three batters retired, and we’re headed to the second all tied up.

2nd Inning

Schimpf with a sick diving stop at third on the Giants’ first batter, and Aybar makes a nice play to retire the second. Jarrett Parker, aka the ugliest dude in the majors, grounds out to put the Pads back at the plate. Easy 1-2-3.


Look at that fucking face.

Schimpf walks to lead off the inning after fouling one off into the dugout. Steals second on a WILD fucking pitch. Bounced before it even reached the batter’s box.

Renfroe grounds out — NEVER MIND!!! Crawford makes a shit throw to first from short and Brandon Belt can’t hold onto it. Easy money for San Diego.

Just like that, Hedges strikes out and Aybar flies out, bringing the pitcher to bat. Damn.

Holy shit, Perdomo hits it to deep right, but that ugly ass right fielder somehow came down with it. Guy saved two fucking runs with that play. On to the third.

3rd Inning

STEEERIKE THREE! After a leadoff groundout, Perdomo strikes out his second (Cain).

GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE PANIK! San Fran’s leadoff hitter — guy who scored on that bullshit balk — strikes out and that’s three for the Pads’ pitcher through two innings. San Diego’s already back up to bat.

ANOTHER HOMER FOR MARGOT, MAKE THAT TWO! Why don’t you Margot on home Giants, because this game’s fucking over.

Myers pulls a double after the Jankowski out, and the Pads are looking great.

Solarte hits a double, Myers scores and it’s 3-1! LFG.

Schimpf walks again, but Renfroe strikes out and it looks like San Diego’s runners might be stranded. Let’s see. FUCK. Hundley makes the nice grab on a pop-up, and the Giants escape the third down just two runs.

4th Inning

Old guy standing outside my house with his back turned, on the phone. Why is it that old people don’t know how to walk and talk on the phone at the same time?

Anyways, Pads retire the first two batters, Perdomo’s fucking balling right now. Balls are moving all over the place. Guy’s shimmying like Cueto and still hits 97 like it’s nothing. Crawford hits a single, but it doesn’t matter — Hundley grounds out, and the Pads are back up.

Aybar’s cheek is a mile long, dude’s probably dipping two packs right now. Pads don’t get anything going and we’re on to the fifth.

5th Inning

Jankowski with the hit and steal to lead off after the Giants can’t get anything going in the top of the inning. Jank scores! Solarte bats him in with a nice single up the middle.

Cain’s falling apart, looks like he might getting pulled after his fourth walk of the day. Runners on first and second, Cain still on the mound. GIANTS FALLING APART. Nunez bobbles a grounder to third, and the bases are loaded. Cain gets yanked, Cory Gearrin is comin in. Fuck man, Giants turn two and the Padres’ lead remains 4-1.

6th Inning

Pinch-hitter Gillaspie singles, Panik doubles and I’m already freaking out. Runners on second and third, no outs. Not good.

Bullshit ball four on a full count, and the bases are loaded. Coaches talking to Perdomo and I’m still flipping.

FUCK YOU BRANDON BELT. First-basemen hits a grand slam and it’s probably game over. Holy shit.

Hundley singles, and Solarte is gone. That’s a bummer man, dude was slinging it all game until that grand slam.

Diaz comes in, making his MLB debut. Let’s hope for good things.

Double-play, and Diaz ends the ending in the blink of an eye. SOLID start.

Aybar leads off for San Diego and grounds out to second for what feels like the 10th time this game. Pinch-hitting, Luis Sardiñas strikes out swinging and fuck, this game has to be over.

Margot grounds out. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

7th Inning

Ugly-ass Parker strikes out to start the inning, so maybe things are gonna get better. Torres looked good on that strikeout, so let’s hope he can keep it up. Damn man, dude’s ripping high-nineties on every pitch. GET THE FUCK OUT Hernandez, that’s back-to-back K’s for Torres. Homie’s slinging inside fastballs like he doesn’t give a fuck and I love it! Infield fly puts the Pads back at the plate.

Hardo Giants reliever Kontes workin out of a full windup like there are scouts in the stands. Jank rips a foul ball off his ankle — shit, that’s not good. Ball four, and Jankowski’s on base. Bad news for the Giants, with Myers coming up.

Love watching Jank lead off — guy’s a total surfer dude even though he’s from PA. Guy needs to stay in SD. Anyways, game’s still going on! Myers shoots one up the middle of the field, and we’ve got two on base!

YANGERVIS!!! Jankowski and Myers score, PADS BACK IN THE LEAD!!!!! Clutch double by the Venezuelan. Crowd’s heating up — Giants look like they’re in panic mode.

Two borderline strikes on Schimpf, who has already walked three times today, makes me think Bochy’s got the umps on payroll. Schimpf walks again! Fourth ball four, man that’s gotta be a boring day as a batter. I’d take it every time though.

Renfroe launches one to center, and Solarte’s on third. Sneaky bad day for the right fielder, that’s 0-for-4 now (unless you count that as a sac fly, but I’m not a scoring nerd so I’m not sure).

WOW HEDGES!!! Safety squeezes a bunt, beats out the throw to first and Yangervis scores! What a fucking play, and the Pads are up by two with two on base.

Giants challenge the call (as they should, looked like Hedges didn’t beat it out after all), but the run still counts and Schimpf’s on second.

Kontes walks Aybar onto first, and it looks like he gone.

Blash pinch-hitting after being recalled from El Paso — Pads’ starting catcher took a foul ball off the mask yesterday, so the young guy’s getting his shot.

Blash strikes out, and the Giants escape (but that’s a relative term).

8th Inning

BRING IN THE BUTCHER. (Well it’s Buchter, but that’s my name for him.) Margot runs down a fly, and that’s one down. Fly ball, Margot again — that’s two. Hedges takes a ball off the mask, but it looks like he’s good.

Dammit. Belt goes deep again, and the Pads’ lead is reduced to one.

GET THE FUCK OUT HUNDLEY. Huge Strikeout by the Butcher, who had Hedges and the crowd visually (and audibly) pulling for him.

Padres up at the top of the order. Let’s see if we can put a run or two on the board and secure that lead. Margot gets on, Jank advances him via bunt and the Dominican is in scoring position with just one out.

Myers sends Margot to third with a deep fly to right. Runner on third, two outs. All we need is a hit from Solarte. Another flyout to the ugly fuck in right, so I guess it’s time to bring in the closer.

9th Inning

Maurer in, lets do some fucking work.

Schimpf to Myers, one down. Maurer bringing the fucking HEAT. STRIKE THREE, one more out to go.



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